100% actual conversation (except the name is changed) from late 1998, when investment banks--like other go-go firms in the dot-com ecosystem--were starved for talent:
CHRISTINE (my assistant): I have Gilligan Weiner from Robertson Stephens on the line. Are you available?
[I don't know this Weiner but these days a call from Robertson is usually good news. Maybe he's representing an acquiror?]
ME: Okay, I'll take it.... Hello, this is David.
GILLIGAN: Hi, this is Gilligan Weiner from Robertson Stephens, and I'm calling you because you're on the board of Flycast.
GILLIGAN: I need to know the company's revenues, and the valuation of the last round.
[is his voice cracking? has he even reached puberty yet?]
ME: I see. Flycast is a private company, and so we don't publish financial information. Why are you asking?
GILLIGAN: I'm doing research and I really need the revenues and valuation for Flycast.
ME: Well, Flycast is a private company, and so we don't disclose that information.
GILLIGAN: Oh... [awkward silence]
ME: You know, I'd be happy to send you all the financials for Flycast if you would just fax me your tax returns first.
GILLIGAN: Umm, what's your fax number?
[I really swear to--well, whomever atheists swear to--that this is true.]
GILLIGAN: Do you want my tax returns or the firm's?
ME: I really need both.
GILLIGAN: Um, okay, I'll get back to you.
ME: Great, look forward to it.
GILLIGAN: Thank you, Bye.
I'd have loved to hear the conversation that ensued, as Gilligan asked the Skipper for a copy of the firm's tax returns to send me.