Surely the evil goddess Insomnia herself cursed us mortals with those tightly tucked in corners that pin us down for the count, relentlessly pressing down upon our toes. And just as clearly, she has charged her minions in Hotel Housekeeping to prosecute the nightly terror. Euphemistically deemed a “turn-down service”, their mission is to (i) maximize tension in the sheets just prior to bedtime; (ii) heap layers of heavy bedcovers upon the real estate designated for our feet—defying us to handle the germy, never-been-washed bedspread ourselves; and (iii) deposit tasty (but caffeinated!) chocolate on our nightstands to pharmaceutically reinforce wakefulness.
Can technology save us? I have developed an extensive road map around this investment hypothesis but I have yet to encounter any new technology powerful enough to overcome the hospital corner. Not even a web2.0 travel site that ranks hotels for Flexible Bedding.
No, like any terrible plague, hospital corners can only be remediated through prayer. So please join me in this bedtime hymn…
“Oh merciful and all-cheesy Flying Spaghetti Monster!
Tonight, on the longest night of the year, your noodly children
beseech you to deliver us from Insomnia’s paralyzing clutches.”
Blogged with Flock
Nice post. But as an ex-US Navy Medic I feel it is my duty to tell you those tightly tucked sheets were there to protect our drugged and damaged patients from falling out of the bed.
ReplyDeleteNow we have bed rails.
But tradition is... traditional!
Rob
There is a fix, in 2012 I invented a bed sheet that leave out the corners for a conformable top bed sheet. www.stayputbeddings.com
DeleteI love hospital corners. My dear bubbe taught me how to make a bed with them as a little boy. I still feel secure and cozy, not to mention warm with tight sheets and thick blankets.
ReplyDeleteNope, not even the all powerful Flying Spaghetti Monster can help you. You're a sick puppy...
As a former West Point cadet well versed in the dark art of the perfect hospital corner, our solution was simple: never "break sheets" (i.e., actually sleep under the covers). That's right, probably 90% of cadets at the academies, during their four years there, never "broke" sheets and, instead, just sleep on top of their maniacally perfect bed sheets with a comforter.
ReplyDeleteWhat does this mean for you? Pack a blanket.
Even Seinfeld addressed this... perhaps its time for a "do not tuck" sign in addition to the "do not disturb" that is currently available!
ReplyDeleteI like these posts of yours that talk about general stuff. Today, I read this article on CNN about Airborne http://money.cnn.com/2008/03/04/news/companies/airborne_settlement/index.htm?cnn=yes and I remembered the blog post you wrote about Airborne long ago, basically saying the exact same thing!
ReplyDelete