Surely the evil goddess Insomnia herself cursed us mortals with those tightly tucked in corners that pin us down for the count, relentlessly pressing down upon our toes. And just as clearly, she has charged her minions in Hotel Housekeeping to prosecute the nightly terror. Euphemistically deemed a “turn-down service”, their mission is to (i) maximize tension in the sheets just prior to bedtime; (ii) heap layers of heavy bedcovers upon the real estate designated for our feet—defying us to handle the germy, never-been-washed bedspread ourselves; and (iii) deposit tasty (but caffeinated!) chocolate on our nightstands to pharmaceutically reinforce wakefulness.
Can technology save us? I have developed an extensive road map around this investment hypothesis but I have yet to encounter any new technology powerful enough to overcome the hospital corner. Not even a web2.0 travel site that ranks hotels for Flexible Bedding.
No, like any terrible plague, hospital corners can only be remediated through prayer. So please join me in this bedtime hymn…
“Oh merciful and all-cheesy Flying Spaghetti Monster!
Tonight, on the longest night of the year, your noodly children
beseech you to deliver us from Insomnia’s paralyzing clutches.”
Amen, and good night.
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